FRIENDSHIP OR SOMETHING LIKE IT

Friends. We can spend all day defining it; some may call it a blessing, some a curse and some something that they cant live without.

Well I say it can be all that and more. Life had proven me that friendship cannot be defined in a mere few words.

A couple of girls and I, had been joined to the hip since we had been in the same class in mid school. We were all young, naïve and free. We counted days by chilling at each others places and having the time of our lives without a thought of tomorrow. We were having a blast.

We all survived heartaches and failed exams but this only helped to bring us closer, and close we were. But after we all finished mid school everything started to change. Most of us made to high school while the rest enrolled else where. Some of us were as close as ever, some more closer while some drifted. But through it all we all kept in touch one way or the other.

But nothing could have prepared me for the forth coming years. Lots changed in the years that followed.

I found the "Love of my life", lost him the first time and then was left betrayed the next time.
Lost one of the closest friends, one whom I considered my best friend. The break up didn't hurt as much as loosing her did. And to make matter worse I found out the "Love of my life" had never loved me. While I struggled with that hurt school was over and I had graduated.

Without wasting time I found a job and got busy and later started tutoring at nights. Then also I was carrying the burden of being the reason being that, one of our friend has left us. I felt as I had failed her. Though she referred to everyone I knew she blamed me more because we had been real close and I should have been there for her and she also should have said that she neededa friend. What ever the reason I was carrying the hurt that I had disappointed a friend and to top it off I found that "Love of my life" had spread rumors that he NEVER loved me. Added to that I had started having problems at home.

That was the time I needed my friends the most. I had a habit of babblingand saying what is on my mind to help ease the pain. But when I did ask the friends that I had left none was too interested in lending an ear. At that point I realized how much I had come to depend on them for the past 5 years.They wanted me to move on. Well its better said than done. I needed some one to understand me and hear my bullshit if that was what is was instead of the brush off treatment I received. I needed them to be there for me like I had always well almost been there for them. I don't blame them for not being there, 'cause of that I had been thought a valuable lesson. Never depend on anyone but yourself. Well life thought me that lesson, and let me tell you it was one HELL of a lesson.

After that I took a little time out to figure out my priorities and made peace with the friend I lost and we moved on and I am proud to say I did it all by myself, no one to guide me no one beside me, al lon my own. But there forth I do admit I kept a part of me to myself and the appearance to get together had become less frequent due to the long hours at work and the tutoring. My friends had started to complain that I don't spend time with them like I used to.

Come to think of it I haven't got the faintest idea why they would think I would avoid or rather not take the opportunity to spend my time with them.Well guess they just didn't.I had an argument about this to one of my friends and it didn't end pretty, because we had not been able to resolve it and in the end she didn't want to talk about it. Well she should have known never to leave things hanging because they are bound to fall sooner or later.

Well guess it did fall and this time the fall was hard and painful. I got tired of the complaining and told that they can spend their time complainingin the process of letting our friendship wither slowly and painful with resentment, or they can end it now and save everyone from the misery or simply just get over it.

But it turn out we all end up saying lot of things that we had shelved; them not being their for me when I needed them, myself being mean, myself not sharing enough. We said some things which we will end up regretting in times to come.

In the end I believe they took the fighting path while I don't want to end up with the bitter memory of them. Rather we ended things when we at least can look into each other without hate and resentment, so I took the way out.

But I guess I must have made a mistake somewhere cause I ended up loosing one of friends who had already turned bitter against me while the rest just have brushed it off as if didn't happen.

Loosing the friends I had cherished for more than 5 years was hard and painful but not impossible because I had learnt to depend on myself rather than others. But the fault wasn't my own. It takes two to tango.

So it seems like friendship has all the drams in it after all. Love,happiness, hurt, misunderstanding.

So who ever had forgot to appreciate you friend or friends do it today or it just might be too late. And it is easy to not to say the words and push problems into the closet, but what you going to do when the closet it full?

My friends FORGAVE me or I FORGAVE them, cant remeber how it happened but it did in the end. So time will only tell wether it is going to fail again or grow strong

Friends are precious, they do make your life tolerable, but when they started making the wrong turns things may end up real nasty, so you have a CHOICE either u can try to untangle it or get tangled in it. The choice is yours....